Insight #27

FUNCTIONING IN THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP

Last week we saw how to assess your relationships and before that we learnt to always define our relationships. This week we’re moving on to the next step. After you’ve defined a relationship and you assess it on a regular basis, and you’re convinced that the relationship is both beneficial and a righteous one, then you need to move on to the next step.

The step we’re examining today has to do with learning to function the right way in any given relationship; what is expected of you, what isn’t expected of you, what isn’t expected of you and what you should expect from certain relationships, depending on how close you are, In this study, you’ll basically learn the limits you should place on every relationship. This step is crucial because it will help you to maintain your relationships for as long as necessary. This step is as follows

(i) You must take interest in your friend’s life and he/she is expected to take an interest in yours. Like we saw in our last study, you should avoid parasitic relationships. Applying this to the point we’re considering now, you must not continue any friendship in which your friend doesn’t concern himself with your affairs, by looking out for you, making sure you keep on the right path. At the same time, you shpuld do the same for your friends. Never do anything that will cause any sort of damage (whether physical, emotional, and financial) to your friend and you are also allowed to expect the same from your friends.

(ii) Accept your friends for the way they are, but love them too much to leave them the way they are. This goes against the popular saying that goes, “Love your friends the way they are”. This isn’t exactly bad, but it’s not good enough. Now, what do I mean when I say, “Love them too much to leave them the way they are” I mean if you notice any attitude, negative habits, tendencies, behaviours, words and sometimes, actions that may lead them to disaster later on in life, or get them in some sort of trouble as they go on. If you notice any of such, then you need to advice your friend with caution care, understanding and love, not in a derogatory manner; don’t make them feel bad about themselves. In the same vein, you should expect them to be able to do the same for you. Let me take the time to tell you that any “close” friend of yours that never calls you to order when you’re doing something wrong isn’t a good friend at all. Good friends should encourage you as well as correct you. The same goes for you; you should expect your friend to advice you and point out all the negative attitudes and habits they see in you too. After doing this, both of you should prayerfully and patiently work on yourselves and on each other in order to become better people. In case of a serious problem, you should both see your pastor.

(iii) Communication: this has always been a major issue in most relationships now, you need to understand that its not everyone you have to tell your deep secrets. Make sure that its only those close to you that know much about you. Note that not everyone must know every detail about you. Learning to know when to withhold info about yourself and when to release it is extremely important. We’ll look into this in detail in our upcoming study. Remember to put into action all that you’ve seen in this study. God bless you.

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