This week, we’re continuing our series on relationships. Last week, we were introduced to the concepts of relationships and the difference between associations and friendships. We learnt that we must define every relationship that we’re in so as to properly direct our focus, attention and time.
The second thing we must do with our relationships is to assess them. This step applies to both your friendships and associations. Let’s look at this in greater detail. We all know looks can be deceiving as well as the fact that people change overtime, it is necessary to make sure that your relationships are still affecting you the right way consistently. Consider this, you meet someone who seems nice, morally upright and shares the same interests and values as you, and you immediately become friends with such a person but deep down the person was pretending all the while or maybe got influenced negatively down the road. By assessing your relationships, you’ll be able t notice such negative traits and changes in your friend early enough for you to warn him and try helping him. Whereas if you don’t check on your relationships from time to time, you’ll end up imbibing some of those negative traits yourself. Don’t forget that you need to assess your relationships from time to time to know if a certain relationship is still beneficial to you or not.
What to do
(i) You must ascertain that you’re not the only one giving out your energy and time.
For example, if you have a friend who isn’t always available for you when you need him, but you’re always there for him when he needs you either in your academics, finances, heath wise and spiritually. Such a relationship is parasitic in nature and will only waste you and lead to frustration as time goes on.
(ii) You must make sure that you’re becoming a better person as a result of a relationship
How do you do this? You may wonder, well its easy, first you need to sit down and think back. Since that relationship began, have you become a better person as a result of that relationship or have you reduced in any area of your life? Have you become more God-fearing, Obedient or respectful? Have your values gotten stronger or not?
If the answer to any of those questions is no, then you have to review such a relationship or if necessary, end the relationship.
(iii) You must review what you talk about and what you do with friends from time to time.
Check the content of your conversations with friends. Is it clean, free of impure language and free of gossip? I’m sure we all know the danger of gossip and backbiting. You must make sure that you are not a partaker of gossip. Cut off any friend that constantly brings gossip to you. Also you need to check your activities. What do you spend time doing with your friends? Make sure there aren’t any sinful activities such as drinking, chasing girls/boys, and smoking, wild partying and so on. If you find yourself in such a relationship, cut off from it immediately because it will ultimately lead to destruction.
Now let’s take a look at some disadvantages of not assessing your relationships on a regular basis.
(i) Bad friends will take advantage of you by enjoying in areas where they aren’t contributing to your life.
(ii) When you’re being affected by wrong friendships, it will be extremely difficult to trace where the problem originated from.
(iii) You will unknowingly pick up wrong habits that will ruin you later on
(iv) You will keep some friends who are out to see your failure.
There are more disadvantages of not assessing your relationships but this is enough for now. Remember to be a doer and not just a hearer. I’ll advice you to get a notebook in which you assess your various relationships in. GOD BLESS YOU.
PRAYER; Dear father, give me the grace and wisdom to assess my relationships wisely and Lord, every area where bad friends have taken advantage of me or done damage to me, I ask that you bring about a restoration in Jesus name. Amen
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